Hey People! How the hell are ya?
Mrs. Fish – thank you for all the nice compliments. It was you who prompted me to get off my behind and get a new post out here today.
I have been busy with life and also lost in my own mental space. Today I wrote a VERY long and emotional email to my manager. I have been a remote employee for almost 7 years now and that combined with moving across country has for sure been a big mental hit to me and who I am! If I had not lost previous version on this blog due to hackers you could probably see my personality change over the years. When I was the most happy and when I started getting silent and stressed.
SO! getting a part time job has been the best thing in the world for my mental health and I am so very glad that I did it!
To catch you up on my life: I withdrew from the Masters Program. Turns out that was not going to make me fulfilled any more than hoping from one job to the next. Once I had started working and becoming familiar with my job and gaining some confidence there, I was able to start questioning some other decisions I had made in my life. I have been lost for a while now and I was looking for my way back to me, and I knew in the past when I was going to school I felt “good”. Turns out it was not the coursework, but being around like-minded people and having connections is why I felt “good”. I have not felt “good” in my current role because I am doing so much more technical things and not “helping people” like I used to do before. I don’t see the result of my efforts in peoples lives like I used to and I am missing that. THANKFULLY I am getting that from my night job and it’s giving me the mental stability I need to fight my way back to me. It’s still going to take some time because Jobs like I am looking for don’t just turn up all the time in my company – especially ones I can work from a home office. BUT I know where I am looking and that makes me a better employee – because I am will not be hopping from here to there looking for …what? Something that was never going to be there. It was in me all along. Much like the cowardly lion’s courage or the tin man’s heart <3
Well, my data tells me my last post was October 16th. On October 27th I weighed in at a whopping 152. I had never been over 150 in my entire life. Just before the October 27th Hubby and I had taken a short vacation, I had been at my new PT job for just over a month and I uninstalled Facebook from my Phone and iPad. I had quit comparing my life to everyone else’s, and all of those things combined allowed me to start taking steps to a better me. As of the first of the year I had lost 15 pounds and was feeling much better about my self.
I have gotten a bladder infection as of this week and so the scale is not my friend. I bloat when they put me on antibiotics so I am trying to maintain the mental head to keep things going in the right direction and Sunday I take my last pill so next week should be a better week on the scale. I want to get back to taking Hot Yoga classes too. I am so tight and sore from sitting here all day that I need to stretch my old muscles 🙂
Near the beginning of December, I knew I was due for my mammogram later in the month and the knowledge that my GF’s daughter, that is in her early 30’s, just lost both breasts to cancer, I decided it was a great time to do a breast self exam. I have found many cysts in my life of doing self exams and every single time they say its nothing to worry about. So while doing said exam they recommend that you squeeze the nipple to check for any discharge. And all the times in the past there is nothing – so this time when there was something….a bloody cloudy something, I went to the worst place mentally – of course you do!!!
I also just had my diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound this week and it too was nothing . Enlarged glands is all they said. AND according to Dr. Google – women of “my age” nearing menopause can have this discharge as a part of the hormone changes. However, I have been having continued tightness and “discomfort” in the left breast for some time now. They said I should follow up with a plastic surgeon about that as it is likely related to my implants since there was nothing related to my health that they saw.
So, Monday I have an appointment with a new plastic surgeon down here. I have been researching them and looking around since we got here. My left breast has been an issue for some time but never pain until recently.
That is all I have in my brain to dump out right now. Here are a couple of recent pictures of hubby and I and me in a super cute outfit that I can finally wear! Hubby bought me the top when we first moved here…nope..I could not wear it within a month of living here LOL Shorts I moved here wearing and within two months they also no longer fit me. I’m a stress eater and I’m working on that! Have a great weekend visitors. I will try to get here more this year!!!!
EDIT: I just went back and read the October 16th post – funny I hit on many of the same topics LOL
BUT I wanted to say – I forgot my black bikini when we drove over to Orlando! so I had to go buy a new one while there. We popped into Walmart and there are a bunch of old lady ones my Grandma would wear or ones my dream body could wear…not many for where I was then LOL
So I found this one that covered my tummy, but let me still feel sexy enough for hubby 🙂 ALWAYS my goal BTW! It’s super cute and will likely still be worn without having much tummy to cover ‘cuz it displays just enough of the girls to be sexy but no so much I can’t wear it in front of my MIL 🙂