Somewhere in this blog is a post I shared –Found here – about why I first decided I was going to lose weight way back in 2003. That was a deeply emotional painful moment for me.
Not sharing it – going though it.
I have gained and lost weight so many times between now and then and seriously. I have been heavier in the recent past than I am now. But for some reason last night – I felt it. My back fat jiggling while being intimate with my husband and I wanted to cry. I am sure it has jiggled many other times. There is no way it could not have. So I am thinking I was just much more aware of my body at the time. I know he loves me. I know he does not care that my back fat jiggles. I do. I love him and want to present the best body I can to him. I feel attractive and desired when I look good and I feel proud that I can share that with him. Right now I feel OK – but I know I am far from what I am capable of. So I’m calling this my turning point. My wake up call.
I’m using it as my sign that I need to get my head out of my ass and do this. I have talked and talked and talked about it with little results lately. Seriously look at this chart!!
Pretty erratic since last January – hah well that may be because I now have a scale that automatically logs LOL where before I just would not update my weight if I had gained 🙂 But aside from that the average line through all of that is much higher that the previous average had been.
Logged a meal plan for the day. Will stick to it. I can do this. I will do this. I’m rather embarrassed that I have not shown any progress is so long.
Thanks for reading my rambling